Nothing is always absolutely so.

me: okay, finally i can work on one of the many projects i have in the fire at the mo

brain: or we can make notes on yet another nsfw reds idea i just had this morning

me: brAIN NO

well brain won this morning so gj brain i guess

on that note, curious if anyone out there has any favorite dramatic monologues (recommendations of jughead's "i'm weird" speech will be overlooked and ignored), lmk lmk

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That long-promised life update! Or a version of it!

Soooooo the full-time writing thing is on hold for the moment, I had to jump back into the working world (BOOOOOO WE HATE THAT FOR ME BOOOOOO) due to some family health issues that came up, like, a month or two after I originally posted about pivoting to full-time writing. On the plus side, the timing kind of worked out and my coworkers don't suck and it's totally normal hours (yaaaaaay we love that for me yaaaaay (genuinely not sarcastically)).

But I still want the writing thing to happen, more than you can imagine. I wanted to take some time to get settled in the gig first and figure out where to squeeze in the writing and make both work. So far it is, dare I say, not great? The health issues my family is dealing with leave a lot on my GD plate unfortunately, and on the worst days I feel pretty ragged because it takes a lot out of me and I'm not exactly a fount of energy to begin with. And on my better days I don't want to work on the original stuff! I want to work on uhhhhhh fic. Haha. Though I don't think anyone will complain about that here!

Honestly, I'm not complaining either. I love it and it's a nice escape for me. But it is its own type of mental work. Like, the other week I got super into the next spicy reds thing I'm doing, so I wrote that for a few days until I started to hate looking at it, and this week I'd been thinking of trying to get back into it but realized I was feeling the spy!au thing more. I've also gone back to thinking of the original novella I got a draft out of last summer. And, of course, I keep coming back to TEF intermittently. Can't help it.

That's what I got. I take it as a good sign that I'm thinking about the original piece again, since that signifies the first step in the life pivot I want to make, and I also don't want to be wholly dependent on a job physically based in the US for uhhhh pretty obvious reasons (god the health thing alone has been kind of a nightmare in this country). Things aren't completely stoppered on my end, just a little delayed. Cross your fingers for me that I'll work out the balance soon!

Thanks so much to y'all for the sweet messages and the support, and your endless, endless patience with me. I really appreciate it 💗

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Once again, I apologize for the long absence! The past month has been a little tough on my end; perhaps I'll get into it next post ♥

More importantly, someone on AskFM had requested a greens cookie after the last reds scene, and while I didn't have as many to choose from as I did the reds, this felt worth sharing :)

(Thanks also to anon for the heads up about AskFM closing! Not sure where I'll migrate next. We'll see!)

( Once again, the Greens are popping up in a Reds fic, pulling focus and stealing moments. )

Honestly I'm struggling to decide what to work on right now. It's between this, the pop-up conclusion, the next spy!au chapter, a nsfw thing, and the next chap of TEF. ALTHOUGH. That does remind me, I do not think it will actually be possible for me to get out the next TEF chap by end of year T_T I'd really been hoping to and it disappoints me that I won't! Regardless, I'll keep plugging away at it all. I'm genuinely excited about all the different irons I have in the fire and can't wait to share them ♥

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OKAY. So the epilogue on the KU project is done! I've gone back to working on the blurb, plus now I'm floating around different title possibilities (the ever-present bane of my existence). It does need another read-through to tidy it up, but wonder of wonders, that's the least labor-intensive thing I have at the moment.

My mood's been extremely up and down the past few weeks, and to be perfectly honest I've been really down and questioning what I'm doing lately. It's scary! I know this sounds insane but I don't generally have a lot of confidence in my ability to do uhhhh pretty much anything for reasons reserved for my therapist, and I keep second-guessing my ability to make a writing career actually happen. I mean. The thing I keep coming back to is that if I could choose anything to do with my time, I'd choose writing anyway regardless, so I might as well try and make a career out of it. Still, though. It's new and intimidating and I am overwhelmed, a lot.

(Also! I do not have the mailing list set up yet. Apologies. But I do like that I have this space to get a little more personal about things!)

In the meantime, I'm thinking about the next KU project I want to do, as well as which fandom thing I'd like to work on before I hop back onto TEF/MTH. It's between a Reds thing and a Reds thing, shocker. Oh wait. And another Reds thing that's v nsfw. We'll see where the arrow lands!

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At this point I assume most folks have read the most recent chapter, so this is probably good to share now!

Some background first (and I don't recall if I mentioned this in the past, but) - originally there was no party scene at all. It opened on a completely different scene, a day or two after the party (that will either get moved to another chapter or cut completely; depends on if I find an organic place to slot it in in the coming chapters). It wasn't until a reader (off the previous chapter I posted, almost two years ago) mentioned their excitement for a party scene that I realized: Oh shit. They're right. I set the stage for a party in the last chapter and it would be shitty of me not to deliver on that.

Not just shitty, but also, it wouldn't have made sense. Why spend any time talking about a party at all if the party isn't going to happen? There was room to do that, and besides, while they do involve a good amount of work and sometimes tricky navigation, I tend to like scenes with lots of people because it gives me a lot of room to play with different voices (beach chapter is probably the biggest example of this). While they can be a lot of work to write, they can also be a lot of fun in the process.

So I committed to writing a party scene as it's what the story naturally called for. And, because I'm constantly in my Reds feels, the first scene I wrote was for them.

( I was really, really in love with this idea of them sitting at a table across from each other as the clock struck midnight and a bunch of couples around them kissed while they just stared and fantasized about kissing each other. )

Anyway! Chilling in rb's stream now, at least for a bit. Also trying to figure out another old fic to port over to ao3. Maybe something from the old hub contest days.

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