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Man. There's a lot in my head today.
(Today, lately, whatever.)
I'm not quite sure how I got on this kick, but I was hit with this weird sense of... nostalgia isn't quite the right word, but it's the closest approximation? I guess it's whatever the fandom version of looking up old classmates on FB/social media is. (Oh wait, I remember how this came about. I came across a post floating around about the MsScribe drama in ye olde HP fandom days and it got me thinking about fic and LJ in general.)
For shits and giggles I hit up the TVTropes PpG fanfic page and was struck by how many recced fanfics were dark!fic. It got me thinking about how I was never much of a dark!fic fan when it came to PpG, largely because most of it revolved around, well, awful things happening to the Girls, and man, that was just not my cup of tea. /gently shoves aside dark!fic idea for an old Philly gift I'll get around to writing someday
It also got me reflecting on my younger fandom self and how my own internalized sexism as a teenager made me really derisive of the quality of RrB/PpG fic at the time. Since most of it was wish-fulfillment stuff written by pre-teen/teenage girls who were often writing for the first time, it stands to reason that it would be pretty amateur. And yet I'd zero in on criticizing the quality of that, rather than taking the plethora of PpG dark!fic (mostly written by adult men, shocker) to task for showing a group of kindergarten-aged girls being beaten, captured, or imprisoned at best and assaulted at worst. I mean, as an adult reflecting on it (because I haven't given it much thought for a good number of years now) I'm only just now realizing how many steps of "Wait, wtf" it takes to get to Being an Adult Man Writing About Terrible Things Happening to Canonically Five-Year-Old Girls from a Comedy/Action Show Geared Towards a 6-11 Year Old Audience. Like, okay, you're an adult dude watching a kids' cartoon show. NBD, maybe gets you a bit of side-eye in public. Okay, you write fanfic about it. Getting a little weirder, but hey, we all need a creative outlet. Also it's fic w/adult themes. Again, little weirder? Uh, creative outlet igss? Also terrible things happen to the MCs, who are five years old. Hey, maybe start pumping some brakes there. Sometimes those terrible things involve sexual assault. HEY HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE A SECOND TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER THIS IS REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY, MOTHERFUCKER?
idk. Maybe that's not really fair. Maybe it's not really fair because I'm reflecting too much on my own hang-ups about what I write and how to do so responsibly as an adult. Maybe it's my conditioning, my culture, my upbringing, a combination of all those things and more. Maybe I'm responding to some deep-seated shame about whether what I have to share is worthwhile, or I'm too worried about getting things .
I spend A LOT more time than I used to thinking about how to write fic responsibly. I think a lot about the ending to TEF, about the adult-skewing content in it yet to come, about whether this or that encounter, be it violent or sexual, is necessary. I did a bad job in ASfSE, something I keep meaning to go back to and pull with an A/N explaining why I (will eventually) remove/d it. I'm not a fan of the self that internalized the bullshit I grew up with about girls and women and the plot devices used to tear them down, and I want to do better moving forward.
Christ almighty, I'm all over the place.
I get nervous every time I come back to this NC-17 Reds fic I'm slowly piecing together. There's different mechanisms I'm playing with for how to approach the explicit content in it, because I don't want it to just be, what, PWP? Is that so bad, though? Argh. But. The problem. The problem is at its core this is still a show for kids, and I don't want to contribute to the machine that exploits kids and the content created for them. But then the other side of that is... it's not hard for kids to find bad content right now. I still bristle every time certain PpG fandom names cross my mind, because I know the nature of the content they create/d, and I know that not only is it not kid-friendly, it's misogynistic and abusive and predatory. Sometimes it involves children.
Sorry. I have to stop typing for a sec. I'm getting angry just thinking about this stuff.
Okay. Just. I want to be responsible when it comes to writing about sex. And I want to be honest. Because while the good resources are much more available than they used to be (Internet pro), that doesn't stop the bad resources from existing. It doesn't stop bad sex ed in underfunded schools in places like my home state. And knowing just how bad the situation is (it is not difficult to find explicit content for this fandom (Internet con))... idk what I'm getting at. I guess ultimately it boils down to me occasionally rage-writing this NC-17 Reds thing because the knowledge that terrible, awful content already exists where it's clear the writers gleaned all their knowledge from watching bad porn just drives me to write this thing out of spite.
There's a lot in my head lately.
Something's going on with my brain. I can tell because I'm thinking about doing crazy shit like an elopement/wedding with my s.o. of 16+ years and also started trying to figure out whether I'd be able to finish writing a complete first draft of the remaining 5 chapters of TEF (13-17) if I took two months off of work.
I mean, at my best I was writing a chapter within 3-4 weeks in an hour per day every weekday. My "best" (from an efficiency standpoint only) was nearly ten years ago. I'd have to try and kick that up to 2-3 hrs per day, working weekends too to be safe.
I don't think I'm actually going to do it. But it's one of those crazy ideas floating around in my head.
I'm not quite sure how I got on this kick, but I was hit with this weird sense of... nostalgia isn't quite the right word, but it's the closest approximation? I guess it's whatever the fandom version of looking up old classmates on FB/social media is. (Oh wait, I remember how this came about. I came across a post floating around about the MsScribe drama in ye olde HP fandom days and it got me thinking about fic and LJ in general.)
For shits and giggles I hit up the TVTropes PpG fanfic page and was struck by how many recced fanfics were dark!fic. It got me thinking about how I was never much of a dark!fic fan when it came to PpG, largely because most of it revolved around, well, awful things happening to the Girls, and man, that was just not my cup of tea. /gently shoves aside dark!fic idea for an old Philly gift I'll get around to writing someday
It also got me reflecting on my younger fandom self and how my own internalized sexism as a teenager made me really derisive of the quality of RrB/PpG fic at the time. Since most of it was wish-fulfillment stuff written by pre-teen/teenage girls who were often writing for the first time, it stands to reason that it would be pretty amateur. And yet I'd zero in on criticizing the quality of that, rather than taking the plethora of PpG dark!fic (mostly written by adult men, shocker) to task for showing a group of kindergarten-aged girls being beaten, captured, or imprisoned at best and assaulted at worst. I mean, as an adult reflecting on it (because I haven't given it much thought for a good number of years now) I'm only just now realizing how many steps of "Wait, wtf" it takes to get to Being an Adult Man Writing About Terrible Things Happening to Canonically Five-Year-Old Girls from a Comedy/Action Show Geared Towards a 6-11 Year Old Audience. Like, okay, you're an adult dude watching a kids' cartoon show. NBD, maybe gets you a bit of side-eye in public. Okay, you write fanfic about it. Getting a little weirder, but hey, we all need a creative outlet. Also it's fic w/adult themes. Again, little weirder? Uh, creative outlet igss? Also terrible things happen to the MCs, who are five years old. Hey, maybe start pumping some brakes there. Sometimes those terrible things involve sexual assault. HEY HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE A SECOND TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER THIS IS REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY, MOTHERFUCKER?
idk. Maybe that's not really fair. Maybe it's not really fair because I'm reflecting too much on my own hang-ups about what I write and how to do so responsibly as an adult. Maybe it's my conditioning, my culture, my upbringing, a combination of all those things and more. Maybe I'm responding to some deep-seated shame about whether what I have to share is worthwhile, or I'm too worried about getting things .
I spend A LOT more time than I used to thinking about how to write fic responsibly. I think a lot about the ending to TEF, about the adult-skewing content in it yet to come, about whether this or that encounter, be it violent or sexual, is necessary. I did a bad job in ASfSE, something I keep meaning to go back to and pull with an A/N explaining why I (will eventually) remove/d it. I'm not a fan of the self that internalized the bullshit I grew up with about girls and women and the plot devices used to tear them down, and I want to do better moving forward.
Christ almighty, I'm all over the place.
I get nervous every time I come back to this NC-17 Reds fic I'm slowly piecing together. There's different mechanisms I'm playing with for how to approach the explicit content in it, because I don't want it to just be, what, PWP? Is that so bad, though? Argh. But. The problem. The problem is at its core this is still a show for kids, and I don't want to contribute to the machine that exploits kids and the content created for them. But then the other side of that is... it's not hard for kids to find bad content right now. I still bristle every time certain PpG fandom names cross my mind, because I know the nature of the content they create/d, and I know that not only is it not kid-friendly, it's misogynistic and abusive and predatory. Sometimes it involves children.
Sorry. I have to stop typing for a sec. I'm getting angry just thinking about this stuff.
Okay. Just. I want to be responsible when it comes to writing about sex. And I want to be honest. Because while the good resources are much more available than they used to be (Internet pro), that doesn't stop the bad resources from existing. It doesn't stop bad sex ed in underfunded schools in places like my home state. And knowing just how bad the situation is (it is not difficult to find explicit content for this fandom (Internet con))... idk what I'm getting at. I guess ultimately it boils down to me occasionally rage-writing this NC-17 Reds thing because the knowledge that terrible, awful content already exists where it's clear the writers gleaned all their knowledge from watching bad porn just drives me to write this thing out of spite.
There's a lot in my head lately.
Something's going on with my brain. I can tell because I'm thinking about doing crazy shit like an elopement/wedding with my s.o. of 16+ years and also started trying to figure out whether I'd be able to finish writing a complete first draft of the remaining 5 chapters of TEF (13-17) if I took two months off of work.
I mean, at my best I was writing a chapter within 3-4 weeks in an hour per day every weekday. My "best" (from an efficiency standpoint only) was nearly ten years ago. I'd have to try and kick that up to 2-3 hrs per day, working weekends too to be safe.
I don't think I'm actually going to do it. But it's one of those crazy ideas floating around in my head.
no subject
i went to catholic school, sex ed was a joke (and a no-no topic) and my resources were severely limited as to how to properly get a sex education. i have to say, fanfiction taught me MUCH more than school ever did. coming from a very conservative household, even movies and TV shows with implied sex was something to be ashamed of watching/ enjoying. Of course, my parents wanted to keep our minds "pure" until the very last moment they could. what they didn't know is that i was reading smut at a fairly young age (not that that's not inherently problematic, but kids will find ways to get the answers they seek, especially when they are told to keep away from a specific/ forbidden subject) and informing myself with sex is supposed to be like between two people who loved each other, not just masturbated using someone else's body. granted, there were plenty of works out there that were blatantly misogynistic and some others that were more subliminal (and a reflection of the social perception of women and sex of the time), but most of the works i read helped from my view of sex as a generally positive experience.
Now, i do have to emphasize that i never read fanfiction for a cartoon aimed at the ages of 6-11, more like anime for young teens, but it still severed the purpose i sought. i think being able to read about your favorite characters engaging in something that is such a sensitive issue like sex, or love, or becoming adults would be helpful for those who do not have a supportive environment at home or elsewhere. as a tween ( i hate that term), i didn't have access to adults or older, more responsible authority figures that i could comfortably go to in case i had a question regarding sexuality. i'm not saying that mature fanfiction should be used as a substitution or even a pseudo sex-education class, but at least as a free resource that is available for those who are looking for answers.
it helped that i often sought out works that were based on respect and love, but that's also because i was trying to fill that gap in my personal life. i know not all young fans are going to actively look for the more responsible depictions of sex/ sexual interaction or know how to identify abuse at first glance, but i choose to believe that most of them are conscientious enough to turn away from the problematic fics and find others that align with their morals. young people are a lot more perceptive and intelligent than most adults give them credit for. they'll know when something crosses the line, even though it might not be immediate. they'll know what's healthy, especially based on the growing sex-positive movements that are being enforced by my generation and the generation before ours. i think it helps to reinforce the notion of consent and normalize sexual urges as a means to support the sex-positivity movement. therefore, if they're going to be looking for answers in unusual places like i and so many people i know did, at least they'll have some resources that are written by those of us who choose not to write abuse or problematic scenes unless we are underscoring the damages caused by those types of actions. even then, something with explicit descriptions of abuse, for me, is going too far and those scenes work as nothing but gratuitous depictions of violence.
in summary, i think it's okay to write mature content for a fandom that is aimed towards younger audiences as long as they are written responsibly and with the heart of the series in mind. from what i have gathered from all my years on the internet is that fanfiction tends to be a more tender and positive depiction of sex than fanart. fanart often provides a snapshot of a sexual moment, most of the time drawn from a misogynistic perspective or for a misogynistic audience, focusing on objectification, rather than the more subtle aspects of sex. also, sexual acts are context-dependent; having a written story provide the groundwork for the conversation that is sex could be a lot more beneficial than just a drawing or a short comic with graphic depictions of sexual acts. that's just my take on it though, written entirely based on how i perceive sex and how my own curiosities fueled the type of content i consumed / allowed myself to consume.
changing topics entirely, getting married is exciting, but also a huge commitment. but if you've been with this person for 16+ years, there must be something that makes you want to see them every day. there must be something about them that makes you want to keep them in your life. you'll know the proper thing to do. don't overthink it. whatever you two choose, it will all turn out for the best.
no subject
That's a question I also find I ask myself more and more as I get older. The difficulty is constructing any kind of helpful framework for getting an answer. I feel like goalposts are always moving--not that that's necessarily a bad thing, as one might argue they move in tandem with our improving sociological and cultural awareness. The debate over use of "sensitivity readers" when writing characters from different cultures is a good current example.
There are a few personal guidelines I've adopted for responsible writing, which I guess I'll share now I've mentioned having them (though I doubt they're broadly helpful.)
1. Try to write "truthfully." For example, don't write about a harmful thing in a way that strips out all acknowledgment of its harms. This guideline is exactly as subjective and wishy-washy as it sounds, so your mileage may vary.
2. My understanding of the topic should increase the more central the topic is to my story. e.g. If I'm writing a story with trauma as a *central* theme, I feel I should educate myself a bit more on trauma than I would if there's just passing mention of it. (I have scrapped plenty of story ideas because the themes started veering into territory I didn't feel I could handle responsibly.)
3. Remember I'm not responsible for my readers. Every reader has a different context. Things may hit one reader really hard while another reader doesn't bat an eye at them. It's totally impossible to control all that so I don't bother trying. If I'm handling a topic that might not be innocuous, I try to give readers enough info up front they can make an informed decision to read or not, e.g. through use of content warnings.
(The examples of self-indulgent child abuse in PPG fandom to which you're referring would violate rules #1 and #2, hence I avoid them like the steaming piles of toxic garbage they are. I tend to also nope the fuck out of aged-up shipping fics, including those for my preferred pairings, if they lean heavily on tired and sexist tropes or depict romantic relationships in ways I see as problematic. Life's too short, read better things.)
That's all probably Less Than Helpful for what you're thinking about. I'm certain the romance author community, especially its more progressive women authors, has spirited debates about responsibly writing sex, relationships, and gender. Maybe you could find a talk series, blog, or some other resource from writers like that to get some ideas you can chew on?
2 cents