This is a complicated topic you're raising, but at minimum I wanted to pop in to affirm the impulse to ask "Am I being responsible with the way I write this?"
That's a question I also find I ask myself more and more as I get older. The difficulty is constructing any kind of helpful framework for getting an answer. I feel like goalposts are always moving--not that that's necessarily a bad thing, as one might argue they move in tandem with our improving sociological and cultural awareness. The debate over use of "sensitivity readers" when writing characters from different cultures is a good current example.
There are a few personal guidelines I've adopted for responsible writing, which I guess I'll share now I've mentioned having them (though I doubt they're broadly helpful.) 1. Try to write "truthfully." For example, don't write about a harmful thing in a way that strips out all acknowledgment of its harms. This guideline is exactly as subjective and wishy-washy as it sounds, so your mileage may vary. 2. My understanding of the topic should increase the more central the topic is to my story. e.g. If I'm writing a story with trauma as a *central* theme, I feel I should educate myself a bit more on trauma than I would if there's just passing mention of it. (I have scrapped plenty of story ideas because the themes started veering into territory I didn't feel I could handle responsibly.) 3. Remember I'm not responsible for my readers. Every reader has a different context. Things may hit one reader really hard while another reader doesn't bat an eye at them. It's totally impossible to control all that so I don't bother trying. If I'm handling a topic that might not be innocuous, I try to give readers enough info up front they can make an informed decision to read or not, e.g. through use of content warnings.
(The examples of self-indulgent child abuse in PPG fandom to which you're referring would violate rules #1 and #2, hence I avoid them like the steaming piles of toxic garbage they are. I tend to also nope the fuck out of aged-up shipping fics, including those for my preferred pairings, if they lean heavily on tired and sexist tropes or depict romantic relationships in ways I see as problematic. Life's too short, read better things.)
That's all probably Less Than Helpful for what you're thinking about. I'm certain the romance author community, especially its more progressive women authors, has spirited debates about responsibly writing sex, relationships, and gender. Maybe you could find a talk series, blog, or some other resource from writers like that to get some ideas you can chew on?
no subject
That's a question I also find I ask myself more and more as I get older. The difficulty is constructing any kind of helpful framework for getting an answer. I feel like goalposts are always moving--not that that's necessarily a bad thing, as one might argue they move in tandem with our improving sociological and cultural awareness. The debate over use of "sensitivity readers" when writing characters from different cultures is a good current example.
There are a few personal guidelines I've adopted for responsible writing, which I guess I'll share now I've mentioned having them (though I doubt they're broadly helpful.)
1. Try to write "truthfully." For example, don't write about a harmful thing in a way that strips out all acknowledgment of its harms. This guideline is exactly as subjective and wishy-washy as it sounds, so your mileage may vary.
2. My understanding of the topic should increase the more central the topic is to my story. e.g. If I'm writing a story with trauma as a *central* theme, I feel I should educate myself a bit more on trauma than I would if there's just passing mention of it. (I have scrapped plenty of story ideas because the themes started veering into territory I didn't feel I could handle responsibly.)
3. Remember I'm not responsible for my readers. Every reader has a different context. Things may hit one reader really hard while another reader doesn't bat an eye at them. It's totally impossible to control all that so I don't bother trying. If I'm handling a topic that might not be innocuous, I try to give readers enough info up front they can make an informed decision to read or not, e.g. through use of content warnings.
(The examples of self-indulgent child abuse in PPG fandom to which you're referring would violate rules #1 and #2, hence I avoid them like the steaming piles of toxic garbage they are. I tend to also nope the fuck out of aged-up shipping fics, including those for my preferred pairings, if they lean heavily on tired and sexist tropes or depict romantic relationships in ways I see as problematic. Life's too short, read better things.)
That's all probably Less Than Helpful for what you're thinking about. I'm certain the romance author community, especially its more progressive women authors, has spirited debates about responsibly writing sex, relationships, and gender. Maybe you could find a talk series, blog, or some other resource from writers like that to get some ideas you can chew on?