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TFR: I have so much trouble with Ace's voice
My first attempt at Given Name wasn't very successful. I wanted to have this sweet moment between Belladonna and Ace and address Belladonna's identity crisis (being, you know, amnesiac and all) and then I kept coming up with other things I wanted to do, like get Ace's voice, and have this sort of comfortable-yet-snappy dialogue between them charged with very subtle UST, and also hint at Belladonna's frustration with being so young (compared to Ace) and him being interested but also uncertain because of the age difference...!
Oh, man, it was too much. I started out writing with all these things running through my subconscious, and it took me a page before I realized, Wait, I have too much stuff I'm trying to do here, what do I really want to get at? And I went with the path of least frustration and resistance to do something that could be achieved in as few words as possible, since there are plenty of other things I'm working on that require me to put up more of a fight.
Getting Ace's voice is hard; it sounds very generic when I read him (I kept his dialogue to a bare minimum in the final result). He just isn't in my head. Subsequently, the dialogue doesn't read nearly as snappy or comfortable as I like, either. It sounds very forced in my first attempt. And the UST... I guess this is the problem when I'm not really invested in the ship? I just couldn't get it to come out. UST is also harder to develop/get going the shorter a fic is, I think. Or theorize. IDK, GUYS.
I really would've liked to get the last thing to play (centering on Belladonna's frustration with Ace not wanting to get involved because of her age despite being attracted to her) but that sort of issue requires more build to play convincingly. And it involves two people. Whereas the identity crisis only involves one.
So I went with Belladonna and her identity crisis, because it was a one-person issue, and also because it was easier to work with a voice that was more or less already in my head (Buttercup's). Reading over it, I feel like the whole "intro" is pretty bland and run-of-the-mill; it doesn't really engage me until almost a page down, where I finally go into Belladonna's head. (A page! That was a pretty obvious cue that I needed to re-think this, and I was much happier with the final result.)
We'll see if I ever get around to tackling that two-person issue.
--
“This stuff,” Belladonna announced, her voice full of purpose, “smells awful.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whine, whine, whine,” Ace laughed. “Wasn't my idea to dye your hair.”
“I didn't think it would be this complicated,” she grumbled as Ace slathered another layer of dye onto her bangs before wrapping it up in foil. “I thought I could, you know, comb it through and call it a day.”
“You have gotta be one of the laziest girls I've ever met, Belladonna,” he teased, and didn't notice how she twitched at his mention of girls.
“Still one of the coolest, I'm sure,” she huffed, crossing her arms.
“If you say so, kid,” he snickered. She twitched again and shut up.
A long, quiet minute passed while Ace worked on the rest of her hair. Then, “What, did I hurt your feelings or something?”
She scoffed. “Puh-lease.”
“Was it the kid thing?”
Silence.
“You are a kid, you know.”
“You don't know that,” she immediately blurted. “Maybe I just look young for my age. It's not like there was a sign on me that gave all this, you know, crucial information about me, like my name, or my age—”
“No,” he said, nodding in agreement. “When I found you, there was just you.”
Belladonna went quiet again. His words sank into her, leaving little impressions the way his fingers did on her skin when he grasped her by the arm.
“Done.” The snap of his gloves as he yanked them off echoed off the walls of the tiny bathroom. “Wanna go show off for the guys?” he sneered.
She kicked him in the knee.
“Ow!”
“That answer your question?” she muttered, adjusting herself up to sit on the tank of the toilet.
He grumbled and planted himself on the edge of the tub to nurse his knee. Belladonna leaned forward and rested her chin in her hands, frowning as she studied him.
Ace wasn't exactly what the average girl would've called good-looking. Kinda greasy and skeezy-looking. The tears in his jeans, the hardware on his jacket—he had a real thing for zippers—gave off particular vibes that attracted particular women.
Belladonna wasn't sure where she fit in there. But there were times when he smirked at her just so, looked over his shoulder in just the right way...
And it wasn't like she had a problem with ripped jeans or jackets with too many zippers. Or slightly greasy hair. Or his green skin, for that matter. At the end of the day, none of those things, whether she liked them or not, mattered much.
--
Oh, man, it was too much. I started out writing with all these things running through my subconscious, and it took me a page before I realized, Wait, I have too much stuff I'm trying to do here, what do I really want to get at? And I went with the path of least frustration and resistance to do something that could be achieved in as few words as possible, since there are plenty of other things I'm working on that require me to put up more of a fight.
Getting Ace's voice is hard; it sounds very generic when I read him (I kept his dialogue to a bare minimum in the final result). He just isn't in my head. Subsequently, the dialogue doesn't read nearly as snappy or comfortable as I like, either. It sounds very forced in my first attempt. And the UST... I guess this is the problem when I'm not really invested in the ship? I just couldn't get it to come out. UST is also harder to develop/get going the shorter a fic is, I think. Or theorize. IDK, GUYS.
I really would've liked to get the last thing to play (centering on Belladonna's frustration with Ace not wanting to get involved because of her age despite being attracted to her) but that sort of issue requires more build to play convincingly. And it involves two people. Whereas the identity crisis only involves one.
So I went with Belladonna and her identity crisis, because it was a one-person issue, and also because it was easier to work with a voice that was more or less already in my head (Buttercup's). Reading over it, I feel like the whole "intro" is pretty bland and run-of-the-mill; it doesn't really engage me until almost a page down, where I finally go into Belladonna's head. (A page! That was a pretty obvious cue that I needed to re-think this, and I was much happier with the final result.)
We'll see if I ever get around to tackling that two-person issue.
--
“This stuff,” Belladonna announced, her voice full of purpose, “smells awful.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whine, whine, whine,” Ace laughed. “Wasn't my idea to dye your hair.”
“I didn't think it would be this complicated,” she grumbled as Ace slathered another layer of dye onto her bangs before wrapping it up in foil. “I thought I could, you know, comb it through and call it a day.”
“You have gotta be one of the laziest girls I've ever met, Belladonna,” he teased, and didn't notice how she twitched at his mention of girls.
“Still one of the coolest, I'm sure,” she huffed, crossing her arms.
“If you say so, kid,” he snickered. She twitched again and shut up.
A long, quiet minute passed while Ace worked on the rest of her hair. Then, “What, did I hurt your feelings or something?”
She scoffed. “Puh-lease.”
“Was it the kid thing?”
Silence.
“You are a kid, you know.”
“You don't know that,” she immediately blurted. “Maybe I just look young for my age. It's not like there was a sign on me that gave all this, you know, crucial information about me, like my name, or my age—”
“No,” he said, nodding in agreement. “When I found you, there was just you.”
Belladonna went quiet again. His words sank into her, leaving little impressions the way his fingers did on her skin when he grasped her by the arm.
“Done.” The snap of his gloves as he yanked them off echoed off the walls of the tiny bathroom. “Wanna go show off for the guys?” he sneered.
She kicked him in the knee.
“Ow!”
“That answer your question?” she muttered, adjusting herself up to sit on the tank of the toilet.
He grumbled and planted himself on the edge of the tub to nurse his knee. Belladonna leaned forward and rested her chin in her hands, frowning as she studied him.
Ace wasn't exactly what the average girl would've called good-looking. Kinda greasy and skeezy-looking. The tears in his jeans, the hardware on his jacket—he had a real thing for zippers—gave off particular vibes that attracted particular women.
Belladonna wasn't sure where she fit in there. But there were times when he smirked at her just so, looked over his shoulder in just the right way...
And it wasn't like she had a problem with ripped jeans or jackets with too many zippers. Or slightly greasy hair. Or his green skin, for that matter. At the end of the day, none of those things, whether she liked them or not, mattered much.
--