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I guess this is about BNFs and Fan Culture
I reached a reluctant conclusion the other day after sending this letter to the TEF/MTH fanblog—I'm becoming a BNF.
I say reluctant for a few reasons, one of them being that I feel rather presumptuous in saying that because outside of writing the fic and posting on my lj and lurking about on tumblr, I don't actively engage in fandom enough to warrant the title. I assume that the only other fans who know or consider TEF/MTH a “big deal” are those actively seeking out a PpG/RrB story. I probably assume incorrectly, considering the amount of messages and reviews I get nowadays from folks saying they keep seeing posts on tumblr about it. (Prior to that it was deviantart.)
I'm not sure where to go with this or what I'm getting at. I notice that the way I interact with the fandom is now changing, probably as a direct result of fan culture itself changing. Tumblr is where it's at these days, and while it's awesome, from what I've seen there's a little less open dialogue that happens. (I have other thoughts on tumblr that might get posted someday, just not today.) I mean, just look at the terminology. On LJ you had friendslists. On tumblr you have followers. That's a large reason why I haven't joined tumblr—just the implications that are coded into its usage freaks me out a little. While there are tons of great, long-form articles posted very frequently, at its core tumblr is conducive to microblogging. Like Facebook, another thing that freaks me out.
I say it freaks me out, but the phrase doesn't quite fit. It discomforts me, a little. There.
And this isn't a judgment on anybody! I do not think lesser of anyone for having a tumblr or a Facebook account. I just recognize that it isn't for me.
But back to what I was saying. The way I interact with fandom is changing. I don't have the conversations I used to, and this is largely due to me needing to tip the scales in favor of real life for the past few years and people coming and going, as is typical. But the way fellow fans approach me has definitely changed. I get the feeling that... people feel like they can't approach me, or they approach me with these expectations that I'm going to be mean, or dismissive, or pretentious. (Obviously I'm not going to share any private correspondence that reflects this, so you'll have to take me at my word that it's happened enough to warrant my concern.)
I don't blame anyone for those expectations, but I can't help but feel a little stunned by it. And... well, that's kind of what finally clued me in and got me to admit what I'm admitting now: I'm becoming a BNF. Shit, I probably already am one.
I looked at my numbers on ffnet the other day. They're big. There's a fan tumblr with 400+ followers. That's big, too. People are asking lately if CTN has contacted me (!!!) and no, they haven't, to satisfy everyone's curiosity. Those aren't things that happen to or questions that get asked of just any old fan.
I hope I'm not coming off as boastful or arrogant right now. To tell you the truth, it kinda terrifies me.
I'm not saying I don't like getting those favorites or reviews, or that there's a fan tumblr, or that you guys are interested enough in what I have to say to regularly ask me questions! I love you for all those things. I love what you've given me in return for what I've been trying to give fandom. I am just incredibly overwhelmed and near-paralyzed at the idea of being even a small celebrity in this sandbox we call the PpG fandom. I never expected things to get this big. Then again, I guess nobody ever does, even though some might really, really hope.
I could spend hours trying to elaborate on the anxieties and apprehensions I have about this, but for the most part they've already been covered in this essay. But beyond that, I do want you all to know that I'm just like you. Thank you for the accolades and the love, but at the heart of it, I'm still a regular old fan.
All the same, thanks for loving what I do. All the support really does help keep me going. Thanks for finding value in what I do ♥
I say reluctant for a few reasons, one of them being that I feel rather presumptuous in saying that because outside of writing the fic and posting on my lj and lurking about on tumblr, I don't actively engage in fandom enough to warrant the title. I assume that the only other fans who know or consider TEF/MTH a “big deal” are those actively seeking out a PpG/RrB story. I probably assume incorrectly, considering the amount of messages and reviews I get nowadays from folks saying they keep seeing posts on tumblr about it. (Prior to that it was deviantart.)
I'm not sure where to go with this or what I'm getting at. I notice that the way I interact with the fandom is now changing, probably as a direct result of fan culture itself changing. Tumblr is where it's at these days, and while it's awesome, from what I've seen there's a little less open dialogue that happens. (I have other thoughts on tumblr that might get posted someday, just not today.) I mean, just look at the terminology. On LJ you had friendslists. On tumblr you have followers. That's a large reason why I haven't joined tumblr—just the implications that are coded into its usage freaks me out a little. While there are tons of great, long-form articles posted very frequently, at its core tumblr is conducive to microblogging. Like Facebook, another thing that freaks me out.
I say it freaks me out, but the phrase doesn't quite fit. It discomforts me, a little. There.
And this isn't a judgment on anybody! I do not think lesser of anyone for having a tumblr or a Facebook account. I just recognize that it isn't for me.
But back to what I was saying. The way I interact with fandom is changing. I don't have the conversations I used to, and this is largely due to me needing to tip the scales in favor of real life for the past few years and people coming and going, as is typical. But the way fellow fans approach me has definitely changed. I get the feeling that... people feel like they can't approach me, or they approach me with these expectations that I'm going to be mean, or dismissive, or pretentious. (Obviously I'm not going to share any private correspondence that reflects this, so you'll have to take me at my word that it's happened enough to warrant my concern.)
I don't blame anyone for those expectations, but I can't help but feel a little stunned by it. And... well, that's kind of what finally clued me in and got me to admit what I'm admitting now: I'm becoming a BNF. Shit, I probably already am one.
I looked at my numbers on ffnet the other day. They're big. There's a fan tumblr with 400+ followers. That's big, too. People are asking lately if CTN has contacted me (!!!) and no, they haven't, to satisfy everyone's curiosity. Those aren't things that happen to or questions that get asked of just any old fan.
I hope I'm not coming off as boastful or arrogant right now. To tell you the truth, it kinda terrifies me.
I'm not saying I don't like getting those favorites or reviews, or that there's a fan tumblr, or that you guys are interested enough in what I have to say to regularly ask me questions! I love you for all those things. I love what you've given me in return for what I've been trying to give fandom. I am just incredibly overwhelmed and near-paralyzed at the idea of being even a small celebrity in this sandbox we call the PpG fandom. I never expected things to get this big. Then again, I guess nobody ever does, even though some might really, really hope.
I could spend hours trying to elaborate on the anxieties and apprehensions I have about this, but for the most part they've already been covered in this essay. But beyond that, I do want you all to know that I'm just like you. Thank you for the accolades and the love, but at the heart of it, I'm still a regular old fan.
All the same, thanks for loving what I do. All the support really does help keep me going. Thanks for finding value in what I do ♥