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Re: Speechless and stuff I've written. And smut!fic.
To whoever "Speechless" was, I just wanted to tell you how incredibly touched I was by your comments. I was so happy to read what you had to say that I couldn't not respond, and as I don't have another way of contacting you, this was the only way I could. I'm so happy TEF has affected you in the way it has. And I can totally feel the part of you that's in disbelief and confusion - I wonder all too often what I'm doing spending so much of my waking hours dedicated to writing a PpG!HS!fic! But even while your review brought up the question, it answered it in the very next paragraph, spot-on. It's the same for me. I'm so glad it's affected you the way it has and am so thankful for the kind, wonderful things you had to say. I'm so sorry that the only thing I can think of to say after that enormously sweet review, over and over, is Thank you. It doesn't do your comments justice.
I was doing a little tidying around the house and discovered some old writing notebooks, which is, you know... obviously going to yield some interesting fruit, to say the least. I used to fill composition notebooks, spiral notebooks, you name it, cover to cover with my amateur attempts at writing.
This one I picked up tonight is probably about 8 years old, maybe older. There's a post-it note on the front of it from back when I was first attempting to finish BKS; a to-do list of scenes I had planned to write with deadlines written next to each scene (I gave myself one week for each scene - sort of reasonable, but it doesn't take into account the variety of complication). There were ten items on the list and I wound up checking off 6-7 before either giving up or losing interest/time.
Here's some of the other stuff I found in the notebook:
It's interesting going back through old brain!dumps and getting a glimpse of who I was back then. I remember bits and pieces of that person; many things strike me as familiar while others make me feel like I'm reading a stranger's journal. It's very surreal. (OT, this is also interesting on another level because of a Buttercup fic I've had gestating in my head that's rooted in a situation exactly like this!) The smut!fic was a interesting find; I certainly remember penning a few but never publishing them for mass consumption - with good reason, I believe. I'm not sure that's an aspect of my writing anyone needs to be privy to. The poem was a really, REALLY cool find for me. For a second I thought it was an actual e. e. cummings poem I'd handwritten into the notebook! I'd forgotten that part of myself. It's nice to be reminded.
I was doing a little tidying around the house and discovered some old writing notebooks, which is, you know... obviously going to yield some interesting fruit, to say the least. I used to fill composition notebooks, spiral notebooks, you name it, cover to cover with my amateur attempts at writing.
This one I picked up tonight is probably about 8 years old, maybe older. There's a post-it note on the front of it from back when I was first attempting to finish BKS; a to-do list of scenes I had planned to write with deadlines written next to each scene (I gave myself one week for each scene - sort of reasonable, but it doesn't take into account the variety of complication). There were ten items on the list and I wound up checking off 6-7 before either giving up or losing interest/time.
Here's some of the other stuff I found in the notebook:
- A follow-up to Rebecca, easily one of my favorite books; probably done as a bit of a writing exercise
- Various notes from class, including a wildly messy sketch about racism that looks like it was done in preparation for a presentation, a paper on Comedy Central's audience, and pages and pages of Chinese character practice
- A few of those BKS scenes from my post-it to-do list
- Some personal journaling, including a very stream-of-consciousness "entry" about gay rights (which I was a very big supporter of at the time - still am, but I just FELT so much so viscerally in college), odd little musings that were probably in reaction to breaking up with my first boyfriend ("I'd kiss boys for you" "The saying goes: 'Women remember the 1st kiss, men remember the last.' I remember both, and all those in between. That's what makes me different." etc., more along those lines), and various dreams I had at the time
- What looks like a written draft of my responses to my then-beta's notes on BKS
- This poem, pre-formatting: I could spill from the fingertips a map of your body just as I remember it (forgetting's the stuff what makes fairytales for me) the unspoken words are persistent cobwebs threading through my throat (or yours, who knows) if it's anything I'm unused to it's the absence of my breath slipping through your speech (bequeathed to you behind closed doors, beneath white sheets) what happened here well everybody's got their theories (let's be realistic) yeah right only the realists drop farewells and I may not be neutral (I'll leave that to you) but goodbye is a word (or two) in a foreign tongue I do not speak and will never learn.
I was heavily into e.e. cummings and he's still my favorite poet. Save for the "bequeathed" and "neutral" line I'm actually really impressed by my former self's poetry. I haven't written poetry for a long time. I'm pretty sure I've forgotten how. Bet you anything this was part of my post-breakup catharsis. - A 29-page attempt at a Boomer/Blossom fic (might type this up at some point to share as a TFR post)
- Hm, looks like this notebook actually covers the period when I was getting over my ex and first getting involved with my now s.o.
- And finally, what might be the absolute pièce de résistance, the first part of a Greens smut!fic that I distinctly remember writing in a very comfy chair in one of the college libraries. It involved Buttercup chaining Butch to a wall.
It's interesting going back through old brain!dumps and getting a glimpse of who I was back then. I remember bits and pieces of that person; many things strike me as familiar while others make me feel like I'm reading a stranger's journal. It's very surreal. (OT, this is also interesting on another level because of a Buttercup fic I've had gestating in my head that's rooted in a situation exactly like this!) The smut!fic was a interesting find; I certainly remember penning a few but never publishing them for mass consumption - with good reason, I believe. I'm not sure that's an aspect of my writing anyone needs to be privy to. The poem was a really, REALLY cool find for me. For a second I thought it was an actual e. e. cummings poem I'd handwritten into the notebook! I'd forgotten that part of myself. It's nice to be reminded.