mild star/terra for late v-day fic challenge

[essbeejay]

dangerpronered, i will get around to your robin/raven soon, i promise :)

title: reception
author: songbirdjen
rating: pg
summary: starfire thinks it'd be nice if someone had as much interest in her customs as she does in everyone else's. mild star/robin & star/terra (didn't wind up completely star/terra; i'm not competent -_-)
spoilers: erm, for the episode "terra"
notes: entirely 3rd person narrative, present tense (yes, i'm a big fan of the present tense), no dialogue.

reception
-songbirdjen-

Starfire is not exactly familiar with Earth’s customs and traditions, and she’s starting to doubt whether they exist, really. Or, not so much their existence, but their ability to unify an entire planet. Everyone is different, from person to person it is different, and it is not necessarily a bad sort of different. Just a little bit of culture shock, or planetary shock, perhaps, and in any case she is meeting a plethora of very interesting people, most of whom are really quite lovely, and make quite lovely friends.

She is always interested in knowing things about them, these strange and curious persons that flutter in and out of moods and speak in puns and little ironies and back away when she tries to share what she knows with them—her songs and words and food.

It is not really hurtful most of the time, but it is hurtful some of the time, because every part of who they are and what they like and why things are important to them matters to her, yet it does not seem to work quite the same way in reverse. She is working to understand Raven and her poetry, Cyborg and his mechanics, Beast Boy and his sense of humor.

And of course, Robin and his… well, his everything.

Robin is sweet, really he is, but there are things about him she does not understand. He keeps secrets, cradles them close and holds them under lock and key, and this puzzles her. She wants to know everything about him, because she is starting to think he is someone vastly important to her, someone she wants to touch and learn and see and just know.

But Robin only smiles, small, secret smiles that say nothing. And Starfire still does not know.

She realizes that people on Earth keep things to themselves, and she is starting to get used to this idea. She quells her curiosity and tries to offer him (and them) pieces of herself, about herself, because she keeps wanting to know them and feels rude not offering anything of her own in return.

It does not always occur to her that sometimes, they are not interested in what she has to offer.

So of course her songs are strange, as is her language, as is her food and her customs. Foreign, alien things, of course. Starfire knows this, understands this. And she is not bitter about it.

She just wishes, sometimes, that he—no, they—would try to understand her. Just because she is not bitter does not mean she is not hurt.

And suddenly someone different comes, and things become different, if only a little bit for a little while. Someone, some girl, with long hair like hers but a soft, pale blond, who is just as alien to this group of people as Starfire is. Her name means Earth (just like this planet, this strange, curious planet), and she tastes Starfire’s food, actually eats it, and Starfire is delighted, and then she says she likes it and Starfire is overjoyed.

She cannot remember when it felt so wonderful, so wonderful, for someone to accept something of her, a part of where she came from and who she is, who does not cringe or choke or gag and turn away too late to mask their expression of distaste.

Starfire etches this into her memory, this exuberant feeling of acknowledgement and reception, and associates it forever with Terra and her wide, welcoming grin. It is the first thing that crosses her mind when that grin subsides into hurt, hurt that makes Terra turn and run and never come back.

Starfire clings to the shreds of that memory as she offers her teammates consolation, and in a week it is as if Terra was never there. Starfire does not understand why this is, but shrugs it aside and fights alongside them and clutches the image of Terra’s kind, steady smile close, because it would be unacceptable to just forget the one person who willingly received her.

That expression remains in the back of her mind when she stands next to Robin on the top of the Tower one evening as he gazes moodily into the stars, pondering his secrets and his memories, and Starfire is reminded of how much she wants to know him.

She tries to say something, something that on her planet is reserved for nights like these when the only secret worth keeping must not be kept a secret any more.

It is important to her, and it tears at her more than cringes and winces when he interrupts and asks if he could be left alone, please.

Starfire only looks away, seeing Terra’s smile amidst the warped, glassy wet shimmering in her gaze before she shuts her eyes.

-fin-