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TFR pass on the Blues from the Beach Chapter
Here is the 1st pass I did on he scene from the beach chapter of TEF where Bubbles and Boomer are walking away from the bonfire in the evening. I can feel myself falling asleep as I type that sentence, because this... this early pass is super, super dull.
***
Bubbles had had it all worked out till now.
So the boys had shown up at the beginning of the semester. They’d gotten through that okay, minus the epic fight Butch and Buttercup had gotten into, and the fact that Blossom and Brick used get into screaming matches with each other on a daily basis. Boomer hadn’t been a problem. At least, until he decided he liked her. And that hadn’t been too big a deal; they’d worked that out. After all, he was a bad guy—had been, whatever, Bubbles couldn’t keep track anymore. And she had had a boyfriend besides, so obviously Boomer was a no.
And then he stopped being a no, and the thing with Will fell apart, but Boomer was leaving eventually so still, it was a no.
It had been no from the beginning, for any number of reasons. Even when a tiny part of her decided Yes, on the whole, he was still a No.
And now he was telling her otherwise, changing the game on her when the end was nearly in sight, and it was getting harder and harder to justify her original answer.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and glistening in the moonlight. “You… you guys aren’t going?”
Her hand was still in his. He shrugged. “Change in plans. We’ll be sticking around for our senior year.”
He’s not right for you, she thought. He beat you up when you were kids and is a bad guy or was a bad guy and you don’t even know if you can trust him.
“And while we’re on the subject,” Boomer said, stepping in front of her and blocking the moon from her vision, its light haloing around that tousle of his blond hair and sending her heart skittering all over the place, “I want to say that I’m still—”
Yes.
“Utterly—”
Yes.
“Hopelessly—”
Yes.
“Madly in love with you.” And he cocked his head, pulling her close for a kiss.
No.
Her shoes dropped to the sand as she pulled back.
He blinked and let go of her hand.
“Um,” she said softly, and laughed nervously, pushing her hair back with both hands again and again. “I’m… I’m sorry…”
Boomer laughed good-naturedly. “I totally freaked you out, didn’t I?”
“No, no, I just… I don’t know,” Bubbles said helplessly, and reached down, her hands fumbling for her wedges. “I’m sorry.”
This had been so much easier five minutes ago. She stood, brushing off sand and trying not to regret this.
“You’re really blushing,” Boomer said conversationally, and Bubbles blushed more.
“Shut up,” she said in a small voice, playing with the ribbony straps of her shoes.
“I mean, really blushing. It’s really adorable.”
She shook her head and laughed. “Boomer.”
“I mean, really adorable.”
“Boomer, stop,” she said, and looked at him, smiling.
He smiled back and shook his head. “You know I can’t.”
It felt like he was about to lean in again to try for another, and she put a hand between them to discourage him. “Look,” she started, shaking her head again.
“I can’t stop looking, either!”
“Boomer,” she said sternly, and stared him in the eye. Those bright blues were sparkling back at her, and she could detect a hint of smugness in that stupid grin of his. “Look, Boomer…” She took a deep breath and sighed, an apologetic smile on her face. “Boomer, I had a really nice time today.”
He shut his eyes and groaned. “Aw, Bubbles, don’t do that to me—”
“I mean it,” she said emphatically, honestly.
When he opened his eyes resignation had replaced the smugness, and he looked down at the sand for a moment, then looked at her again and nodded. “Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he said slowly, as if he was still mulling it over.
“And I guess I’ll see you around,” she said, holding out her hand.
He gave a heavy sigh and took it, swinging their arms back and forth once more. “Argharghargh. Yeah, you will. Man, you girls are frustrating.”
“Well, sometimes you boys outshine us in that department,” she said in a friendly voice.
“I don’t wanna let go of your hand, you know.”
She just shook her head, laughing again, and tugged her hand away. “Night, Boomer,” she said to him with a smile, and, against the better protests of her heart, started to walk away.
“Think about it!” he called out after her.
“Good night, Boomer,” she called back, and took off.
Think about it, he’d said, and her face fell. Pft. Like she hadn’t done enough of that already.
***
I don't really recall what was going through my head when I first wrote this, but I do know that I went back and rewrote it because it was generic and boring and bad. Lots of the narrative over-explaining the story. Urgh. It's somewhere between 1.5-2 pages and the final version is barely 1 page - much tighter, and much more interesting. (At least, I hope so.)
***
Bubbles had had it all worked out till now.
So the boys had shown up at the beginning of the semester. They’d gotten through that okay, minus the epic fight Butch and Buttercup had gotten into, and the fact that Blossom and Brick used get into screaming matches with each other on a daily basis. Boomer hadn’t been a problem. At least, until he decided he liked her. And that hadn’t been too big a deal; they’d worked that out. After all, he was a bad guy—had been, whatever, Bubbles couldn’t keep track anymore. And she had had a boyfriend besides, so obviously Boomer was a no.
And then he stopped being a no, and the thing with Will fell apart, but Boomer was leaving eventually so still, it was a no.
It had been no from the beginning, for any number of reasons. Even when a tiny part of her decided Yes, on the whole, he was still a No.
And now he was telling her otherwise, changing the game on her when the end was nearly in sight, and it was getting harder and harder to justify her original answer.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and glistening in the moonlight. “You… you guys aren’t going?”
Her hand was still in his. He shrugged. “Change in plans. We’ll be sticking around for our senior year.”
He’s not right for you, she thought. He beat you up when you were kids and is a bad guy or was a bad guy and you don’t even know if you can trust him.
“And while we’re on the subject,” Boomer said, stepping in front of her and blocking the moon from her vision, its light haloing around that tousle of his blond hair and sending her heart skittering all over the place, “I want to say that I’m still—”
Yes.
“Utterly—”
Yes.
“Hopelessly—”
Yes.
“Madly in love with you.” And he cocked his head, pulling her close for a kiss.
No.
Her shoes dropped to the sand as she pulled back.
He blinked and let go of her hand.
“Um,” she said softly, and laughed nervously, pushing her hair back with both hands again and again. “I’m… I’m sorry…”
Boomer laughed good-naturedly. “I totally freaked you out, didn’t I?”
“No, no, I just… I don’t know,” Bubbles said helplessly, and reached down, her hands fumbling for her wedges. “I’m sorry.”
This had been so much easier five minutes ago. She stood, brushing off sand and trying not to regret this.
“You’re really blushing,” Boomer said conversationally, and Bubbles blushed more.
“Shut up,” she said in a small voice, playing with the ribbony straps of her shoes.
“I mean, really blushing. It’s really adorable.”
She shook her head and laughed. “Boomer.”
“I mean, really adorable.”
“Boomer, stop,” she said, and looked at him, smiling.
He smiled back and shook his head. “You know I can’t.”
It felt like he was about to lean in again to try for another, and she put a hand between them to discourage him. “Look,” she started, shaking her head again.
“I can’t stop looking, either!”
“Boomer,” she said sternly, and stared him in the eye. Those bright blues were sparkling back at her, and she could detect a hint of smugness in that stupid grin of his. “Look, Boomer…” She took a deep breath and sighed, an apologetic smile on her face. “Boomer, I had a really nice time today.”
He shut his eyes and groaned. “Aw, Bubbles, don’t do that to me—”
“I mean it,” she said emphatically, honestly.
When he opened his eyes resignation had replaced the smugness, and he looked down at the sand for a moment, then looked at her again and nodded. “Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he said slowly, as if he was still mulling it over.
“And I guess I’ll see you around,” she said, holding out her hand.
He gave a heavy sigh and took it, swinging their arms back and forth once more. “Argharghargh. Yeah, you will. Man, you girls are frustrating.”
“Well, sometimes you boys outshine us in that department,” she said in a friendly voice.
“I don’t wanna let go of your hand, you know.”
She just shook her head, laughing again, and tugged her hand away. “Night, Boomer,” she said to him with a smile, and, against the better protests of her heart, started to walk away.
“Think about it!” he called out after her.
“Good night, Boomer,” she called back, and took off.
Think about it, he’d said, and her face fell. Pft. Like she hadn’t done enough of that already.
***
I don't really recall what was going through my head when I first wrote this, but I do know that I went back and rewrote it because it was generic and boring and bad. Lots of the narrative over-explaining the story. Urgh. It's somewhere between 1.5-2 pages and the final version is barely 1 page - much tighter, and much more interesting. (At least, I hope so.)