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So now I'm going to ramble about sex for awhile.
My skill for introduction is really suffering these days, so permit me the lack of one here while I just get to the point of this entry: I get really frustrated with how sex/sexual awakening/sexual desire is presented in fic. And, you know, most other media.
Kink!fic aside, in “mainstream” fic sex tends to be very... manicured, particularly if you're talking about a scene where it's someone's first time or if it's the big moment where two people come together (HA, btw) for their epic, perfect sex. Which is always so epic and so perfect. I mean, this aspect in fic isn't helped by the fact that thousands upon thousands of movies and novels that depict it insist on depicting it that way—absolutely perfect. Which I can understand, if I approach it from the perspective of “Well, what they're getting at is that for this/these character/s, the moment feels perfect, and so the scene itself is a representation of that feeling of perfection.” Okay, great, cool, except now I've seen it eleventy billion times and it's boring me to death, and it is also not in any way, shape, or form representative of actual sex that takes place between two actual human beings. (Or more.)
I should take the time to say that if you enjoy romcoms and romance novels and don't have a problem with these scenes, I am not trying to impose my opinion on you! You are completely within your right to enjoy them. This has just been building up in me for awhile and I've gotta vent.
Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with a woman coming home to find her significant other has strewn rose petals all over the bed and has lit candles all over the room and is now lying naked with a pillow suggestively placed just so over his or her privates, and there's chocolate and wine too I guess because why the fuck not, that's pretty romantic shit right, and also maybe some smooth jazz going on the stereo, because yeah, babymaking music!
But, speaking to my particular tastes, here is basically how I would react if I were presented with the above scene:
I remember reading a scene from a Nora Roberts novel where our damaged heroine is carried—yes, literally, carried—to her millionaire love interest's bedroom, where he hits a button and the wall rotates to reveal a bed the size of a lake—I am not kidding, the book actually says the bed is lake-sized—for a session of perfect lovemaking. (“Lovemaking,” which is a term I hate. But I digress.) Roberts was recommended to me by a friend who knew of my disdain for romance novels and was convinced Roberts would be enjoyable for me. I only managed to finish the book because I am a fucking amazing friend.
I mean... I can't relate to that, as a woman. I mean, as a fantasy, yes, I can see why that would appeal to a great deal of women. Who wouldn't want to be wooed with rose petals and a giant bed that emerges from a hidden wall? (Another parenthetical! If you are the kind of guy who would spend actual dollars on a hidden wall for the sole purpose of revealing your bed in the most dramatic way possible, let me tell you this. You are fucking creepy. You are clearly constructing your bedroom as a place to impress the ladies you want to fuck, and clearly your goal is to fuck a lot of them, because that bed-hidden-in-the-wall trick is going to be a little less awe-inspiring every time you reveal it to the same woman. You are super-creepy and fucked up and probably Quagmire from Family Guy and most definitely have too much money if you feel the need to spend it on a hidden fuck machine. You're building a house, not a fucking Transformer.) But that fantasy doesn't speak to me as an individual person. It's a generic scene that we read as being romantic because we have been shown, over and over and over again, that it's romantic. Flowers are romantic. Chocolate is romantic. Rose petals are romantic. Romance is obviously a commodity, otherwise Valentine's Day wouldn't exist.
Maybe I should put it this way. Yes, I would be happy if my s.o. gave me flowers as a romantic gesture. I mean, hey, free shit, cool. But what would put me absolutely over the moon is if I came home from work to find all the chores done and my favorite dinner on the table and a promise to not bother me at all on Saturday so I can spend the entire day writing.
It may not sound like much, but it is more romantic to me because it speaks to me personally. It tells you, the audience, something about me—what I find important, what I value, what I don't want to deal with when I get home (actually, it probably mostly tells you that I'm lazy). And here's the cool thing—you can do this with actual characters, too. You can have some totally un-romantic gesture like Person B getting the dishes done feel completely romantic, because it matters to Person A after a harrowing day of lazy co-workers, bad traffic, and a torn seam. It may not be as dramatic or picturesque as a mess of flower petals on the bed, but it's not quite as generic, either.
Actions and gestures can speak volumes not just to a character, but to a relationship. It means more when there's little personal touches like that. The fantasy of a rose-strewn, candlelit room doesn't feel quite so personal or real, it feels perfect. Too perfect.
I think, for me, the way to salvage a scene like that is to acknowledge the imperfections, or at least the address the practicality that gets blatantly ignored just so you can get the shot you want, so to speak. So a candle gets knocked over and a small fire becomes an issue. Or the cat comes in, entranced by the fluttery rose petals, and accidentally sinks its claws into somebody's testicles. Or the dude or lady either hasn't been eating well the past few days or hasn't had enough water, so certain parts of their body aren't really cooperating. (This is a thing, by the way. Diet really matters. Your genitals appreciate you eating well.) I mean, you get the picture.
Why does something like this matter so much to me? Well, what I like the most about my fandoms and the characters I love is seeing parts of real human beings in them, no matter how fantastic or extraordinary they or their circumstances are. I like watching them fumble around, making mistakes, having a bad day, you know? I like characters I can relate to and situations I can relate to. That includes sex scenes. In the interest of full disclosure, I can't relate to perfect sex scenes. But I don't actually know anybody who can relate to a perfect sex scene.
This is especially galling for me if the characters involved are having sex for the first time. At least with adults you can more plausibly get away with the unnaturally perfect sex scene. But I freakin' swear to God, no teenager is going to have perfect sex their first time. I mean, I'm generalizing here. Sorry if I offend any teenagers who have actually had perfect first-time sex. But if you're offended... why? You are part of an elite group that has actually experienced perfect first-time sex! You have achieved something the vast majority of us have only ever fantasized about! You shouldn't be offended, you should be fucking proud.
As for the rest of us... I recently came across a review for a manga I haven't read (Flowers of Evil, if you are curious) that put it very nicely:
Anyway. This has been rattling around in my head for awhile because when writing a high school fic the topic of sex is inevitably going to come up. Depending on what sort of scene I'm writing, I try to look at every aspect of what I like and don't like about that type of scene, and let that inform my own take on the subject. So I guess the major takeaway from this is, yes: Sex is going to come up in TEF. Although if you frequent the fan tumblr, you're probably already aware. Cheers!
Kink!fic aside, in “mainstream” fic sex tends to be very... manicured, particularly if you're talking about a scene where it's someone's first time or if it's the big moment where two people come together (HA, btw) for their epic, perfect sex. Which is always so epic and so perfect. I mean, this aspect in fic isn't helped by the fact that thousands upon thousands of movies and novels that depict it insist on depicting it that way—absolutely perfect. Which I can understand, if I approach it from the perspective of “Well, what they're getting at is that for this/these character/s, the moment feels perfect, and so the scene itself is a representation of that feeling of perfection.” Okay, great, cool, except now I've seen it eleventy billion times and it's boring me to death, and it is also not in any way, shape, or form representative of actual sex that takes place between two actual human beings. (Or more.)
I should take the time to say that if you enjoy romcoms and romance novels and don't have a problem with these scenes, I am not trying to impose my opinion on you! You are completely within your right to enjoy them. This has just been building up in me for awhile and I've gotta vent.
Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with a woman coming home to find her significant other has strewn rose petals all over the bed and has lit candles all over the room and is now lying naked with a pillow suggestively placed just so over his or her privates, and there's chocolate and wine too I guess because why the fuck not, that's pretty romantic shit right, and also maybe some smooth jazz going on the stereo, because yeah, babymaking music!
But, speaking to my particular tastes, here is basically how I would react if I were presented with the above scene:
- I am not fucking cleaning these roses up later. This is your fucking mess to deal with.
- How many candles did you blow our money on? We've got enough candles in here to survive ten years' worth of blackouts. Also, are you trying to fucking set me on fire?
- Not sure why you feel the need to cover that up with a pillow. It's not like I haven't seen it before. (If this pops up in fic, this is a dead giveaway that the writer is thinking of sex-as-a-movie-scene, rather than sex-as-an-act-between-two-living-people.)
- Seriously I am not cleaning up these roses. I don't understand why you thought this was a good idea. Was it that hard to find a vase?
- Is the Kenny G really necessary, because that shit is pretty much killing my lady boner right now.
- Of course, none of the above would actually take place, because the one and only reaction I would have upon being presented with this scene would be insane and uncontrollable laughter, because while it would not be the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my life, it would, in fact, be on par with the most hilarious. Although... I probably really would be pissed about the roses.
I remember reading a scene from a Nora Roberts novel where our damaged heroine is carried—yes, literally, carried—to her millionaire love interest's bedroom, where he hits a button and the wall rotates to reveal a bed the size of a lake—I am not kidding, the book actually says the bed is lake-sized—for a session of perfect lovemaking. (“Lovemaking,” which is a term I hate. But I digress.) Roberts was recommended to me by a friend who knew of my disdain for romance novels and was convinced Roberts would be enjoyable for me. I only managed to finish the book because I am a fucking amazing friend.
I mean... I can't relate to that, as a woman. I mean, as a fantasy, yes, I can see why that would appeal to a great deal of women. Who wouldn't want to be wooed with rose petals and a giant bed that emerges from a hidden wall? (Another parenthetical! If you are the kind of guy who would spend actual dollars on a hidden wall for the sole purpose of revealing your bed in the most dramatic way possible, let me tell you this. You are fucking creepy. You are clearly constructing your bedroom as a place to impress the ladies you want to fuck, and clearly your goal is to fuck a lot of them, because that bed-hidden-in-the-wall trick is going to be a little less awe-inspiring every time you reveal it to the same woman. You are super-creepy and fucked up and probably Quagmire from Family Guy and most definitely have too much money if you feel the need to spend it on a hidden fuck machine. You're building a house, not a fucking Transformer.) But that fantasy doesn't speak to me as an individual person. It's a generic scene that we read as being romantic because we have been shown, over and over and over again, that it's romantic. Flowers are romantic. Chocolate is romantic. Rose petals are romantic. Romance is obviously a commodity, otherwise Valentine's Day wouldn't exist.
Maybe I should put it this way. Yes, I would be happy if my s.o. gave me flowers as a romantic gesture. I mean, hey, free shit, cool. But what would put me absolutely over the moon is if I came home from work to find all the chores done and my favorite dinner on the table and a promise to not bother me at all on Saturday so I can spend the entire day writing.
It may not sound like much, but it is more romantic to me because it speaks to me personally. It tells you, the audience, something about me—what I find important, what I value, what I don't want to deal with when I get home (actually, it probably mostly tells you that I'm lazy). And here's the cool thing—you can do this with actual characters, too. You can have some totally un-romantic gesture like Person B getting the dishes done feel completely romantic, because it matters to Person A after a harrowing day of lazy co-workers, bad traffic, and a torn seam. It may not be as dramatic or picturesque as a mess of flower petals on the bed, but it's not quite as generic, either.
Actions and gestures can speak volumes not just to a character, but to a relationship. It means more when there's little personal touches like that. The fantasy of a rose-strewn, candlelit room doesn't feel quite so personal or real, it feels perfect. Too perfect.
I think, for me, the way to salvage a scene like that is to acknowledge the imperfections, or at least the address the practicality that gets blatantly ignored just so you can get the shot you want, so to speak. So a candle gets knocked over and a small fire becomes an issue. Or the cat comes in, entranced by the fluttery rose petals, and accidentally sinks its claws into somebody's testicles. Or the dude or lady either hasn't been eating well the past few days or hasn't had enough water, so certain parts of their body aren't really cooperating. (This is a thing, by the way. Diet really matters. Your genitals appreciate you eating well.) I mean, you get the picture.
Why does something like this matter so much to me? Well, what I like the most about my fandoms and the characters I love is seeing parts of real human beings in them, no matter how fantastic or extraordinary they or their circumstances are. I like watching them fumble around, making mistakes, having a bad day, you know? I like characters I can relate to and situations I can relate to. That includes sex scenes. In the interest of full disclosure, I can't relate to perfect sex scenes. But I don't actually know anybody who can relate to a perfect sex scene.
This is especially galling for me if the characters involved are having sex for the first time. At least with adults you can more plausibly get away with the unnaturally perfect sex scene. But I freakin' swear to God, no teenager is going to have perfect sex their first time. I mean, I'm generalizing here. Sorry if I offend any teenagers who have actually had perfect first-time sex. But if you're offended... why? You are part of an elite group that has actually experienced perfect first-time sex! You have achieved something the vast majority of us have only ever fantasized about! You shouldn't be offended, you should be fucking proud.
As for the rest of us... I recently came across a review for a manga I haven't read (Flowers of Evil, if you are curious) that put it very nicely:
...Flowers of Evil reveals adolescent sexuality for what it really is: desperate, awkward, even embarrassing.Because it is. It absolutely is every one of those things. How can it be anything else when you are fifteen and horny and painfully inexperienced? When you only have pornography to educate you? (I admit, cool, open parents exist, but the teenage-parent combo that is willing to talk candidly about how to make your First Time the Best Time or at least a Reasonably Acceptable Effort is a rare, rare breed. Also, pornography as sexual education is an actual problem and another reason most smut!fic sucks and can be very, very problematic.) I like seeing even a small acknowledgment that sex is not and cannot always be perfect—it shows me the writer is thinking about things as a human being, rather than “the scene.” A little grounding in reality can go a long way.
Anyway. This has been rattling around in my head for awhile because when writing a high school fic the topic of sex is inevitably going to come up. Depending on what sort of scene I'm writing, I try to look at every aspect of what I like and don't like about that type of scene, and let that inform my own take on the subject. So I guess the major takeaway from this is, yes: Sex is going to come up in TEF. Although if you frequent the fan tumblr, you're probably already aware. Cheers!