I'm not dead!
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philosophicwax requested Boomer, hustlin'. I kinda gave away the plot on this semi-recent askFM question.The Big Chair
***
“You have got to be kidding me,” Blossom said, her typically composed face frozen in a look of pure disbelief as the Powerpuff Girls’ new Brand Manager for Social Media took a seat across from her and her sisters.
He tossed three phones on the lucite conference table and carried no papers or writing utensils. Two assistants who barely looked old enough to drive flanked him.
“Morning, Girls,” Boomer said cordially. “Looking forward to working with you.”
Buttercup turned to an apoplectic Blossom. “Okay, it was worth me getting up before eleven just to see that look on your face,” she said, sneering at her sister before swigging her coffee.
“Good morning,” Bubbles said politely. “Your building is lovely.”
“Thanks,” one of the assistants said.
“Hello and what are you doing here?” Blossom demanded.
“Well, I started as an intern in the Social Media department because Mojo wanted me out of his hair and I wanted to be doing cool shit instead of being like a paperboy or something.”
“How could you possibly be appropriate for this role?” Blossom cried. “What—what credentials do you have?”
“It’s good that we know each other,” Boomer barreled on through. “We can skip all the intro and pleasantry crap. On that note, congrats on turning twenty-two!”
“Twenty-four,” Bubbles corrected.
He blinked. “Seriously? Shit, that means I’m older than I thought, too.”
“This is not an encouraging start,” Blossom said.
“Anyway, you know that ‘What’d I miss?’ post that went viral last week for Kasey D? That was my caption.”
Bubbles gasped, her face lighting up. “Oh my gosh, that was you?”
“Oh my God, wow,” Buttercup deadpanned.
“What,” Blossom said, her expression conveying Speak adult English, please, and Boomer pointed at her.
“This is why you need a brand manager.” One of his phones dinged, and he snatched it up.
“Is that why you have three phones?” Buttercup asked, sucking down the rest of her coffee.
“I have one phone. I’m tweeting for a couple of our clients today.”
One of the assistants piped up. “Boomer boosted our engagement across five of our clients’ brands by fifty to eighty percent.”
“Ooh!” Bubbles pulled out her phone to take notes. “Any tips?”
“We’re here for the team, Bubbles,” Blossom said. “Not your personal brand.”
“Your personal brand is fine, anyway,” Boomer said, indicating to his assistant to flip on the projector. “We checked out all your personal accounts. Bubbles is the only one who knows what she’s doing.”
Bubbles puffed up. “Thank you.”
“So right now our goals are to boost numbers. Most of the group’s initial followers are going to be driven from Bubbles’ account, so if she’s cool—I mean, if you’re cool with it, I’d like to promote the launch from yours—”
“All she ever posts are selfies and shit she’s buying,” Buttercup said.
“Not true—she varies her poses and the angles, and the zooms. See? Look at the variety on her page. Lots of socializing with girlfriends, too. When she does post food or product, she connects it back to herself in the caption. It’s like she’s inviting us into her life. And the consistency! Daily posts, consistent aesthetic, engages with followers. Perfection. You should have my job.”
“Are you hiring and what’s the pay?” Bubbles asked.
“Hey,” Blossom said. The assistant nearest Bubbles passed her a business card.
“Now, contrast this to Blossom’s.” The slide switched. “Why are you backlit in every selfie? What’s with this hard-on for beige? Total of maybe fifteen posts? You’ve had this thing for a year.”
“Boo, lame,” Buttercup jeered.
“That is not necessary,” Blossom snapped. “Mine is supposed to be for networking.”
“Great! Enjoy your ten followers,” Boomer chirped, then went somber as he flipped over to Buttercup’s page. “Buttercup has exactly one post up, the caption of which is ‘Bubbles made this for me and wouldn’t shut up till I posted. Here. Happy Bubbles?’ Also the pic is too dark.”
Blossom squinted. “How do you have more followers than me?”
“So I’m putting together my gameplan for the Powerpuff account. I know it’s basic, but I’m thinking of starting with a row-by-row grid focusing on the iconography. Hit up that nostalgia.”
“Ooh, fancy,” Bubbles said.
“Blossom’s got the bow, Bubbles let’s do the stripe, and Buttercup? We’re going for blood there. But not crazy blood. Like, an aesthetically pleasing amount. It’ll be filtered. Could also go for a fist, a smirk, you know.”
“I don’t think blood is really appropriate,” Blossom said.
“Don’t take her note,” Buttercup said. “More blood.”
“We’re trying to find that balance between your edgier fans and your, you know. Less… edgy fans.”
“Losers,” Buttercup supplied.
“Buttercup.”
“All of our fans are lovely,” Bubbles said diplomatically.
“Do you mind if we grab the photos from your phone? I want to build a library of images that we can pull for landscape shots, selfies, Throwback Thursdays, that kind of stuff.”
Blossom narrowed her eyes. “That sounds suspicious.”
“As long as you don’t have anything incrim—wait, no nudes, right?”
Blossom had leapt to her feet and was in the process of drawing her fist back to punch Boomer’s deceptively adorable, innocent face when Bubbles and Buttercup, in the process of passing over their phones, paused.
“One sec,” Bubbles said.
“Lemme check,” Buttercup said.
“Oh my God, you two are not serious!”
“I’m sorry, have you seen me naked?” Buttercup asked their leader. “Because I look incredible.” She tossed her phone at Boomer, who caught it one handed. “It’s fine, I’m clean.”
“Clean!” Bubbles passed hers over.
“Y’all should really stick to Polaroids or like an old school digital camera for that stuff,” Boomer muttered, blushing as he took Bubbles’ phone. Blossom, having been cowed by her sisters’ lack of decency, slipped hers to his assistant, grumbling.
“And shockingly, Bubbles has the only usable gallery,” Boomer said after a few quick scrolls. “Taraneh, AirDrop this. Buttercup has… like twenty pictures on it.”
“She’s not a picture person,” Bubbles said, her tone indicating this was an ongoing argument between them.
Boomer tched. “Gonna have to change that, Buttercup. Up your photo game.”
“Uuuughhh.”
“Okay, I’ve got homework for you three.”
“Uuuughhh.”
“Buttercup, please.”
“In the leadup to our launch I want you to start posting regularly.” He punctuated this with a pointed look at Blossom and Buttercup. “Every day is best, three times a week at the bare minimum. Except for ‘Don’t post at night,’ I’m not gonna dictate when you schedule, but whatever your posting days and times are, stick to them. Be. Consistent. If you need a starting point go with Monday, Wednesday, Friday at nine in the morning.”
“Nine?!”
“Maybe twelve for Buttercup,” Boomer said. “When you post, if you see a new filter or feature, use it immediately. And once a week comment on at least, I dunno, five? Let’s go with five posts on different accounts. People or brands you like, whatever.”
“Oh, this is going to be so easy,” Bubbles said, punching this all into her notes app.
“How can we trust you?” Blossom said. “How do we know this isn’t some nefarious plot of Him’s or Mojo’s to go through you to get to us?”
Boomer had the audacity to look at Blossom as if she was not the being with the highest IQ in the room.
“Well,” he said, slowly and deliberately, “I’m getting paid.”
“But you could just turn on us. Can’t you? Wouldn’t you? Why wouldn’t you?”
“What, are you trying to convince him?” Buttercup asked.
“It would certainly make more sense,” Blossom said.
He still had that infuriating look and spoke with that condescendingly placating tone. “But then I would get fired and I have rent to pay.”
“Your Dad’s like the King of Evil,” Buttercup said. “Why isn’t he paying for your place?”
“Are you joking? I make more than he does.”
“Oh, his place is super nice,” Bubbles said. “He posted his move-in process.”
Boomre gasped, his eyes sparkling. “Oh my God, you follow me?”
One of the assistants interrupted. “Boomer, next client in five.”
“Shit. Okay, last minute stuff! While you three boost up your numbers, we’re going to work on brainstorming some tie-ins. We’ll e-mail you some options by end of week.”
“Ooh!” Bubbles bounced in her seat. “Can I make requests?”
“No promises, but e-mail them to Taraneh and Letitia here and we’ll see what we can make happen. We’re also gonna hook you up with some tickets to a pop-up.”
“Possible to get a plus-one?” Bubbles asked, batting her eyelashes.
“Uh, who did you have in mind?” Boomer appeared to be holding his breath. “Boyfriend? Girlfriend?”
“I wanna bring the Professor,” she said.
“Aww,” Taraneh and Letitia said.
“Sure,” Boomer said, exhaling. “But make sure you get some solo pics, not just you and him. Taraneh, Letitia, anything I forgot?”
“Weather’s good this weekend,” Taraneh said. “We should get some letter balloons for teaser pics.”
“I was thinking wildlife sanctuary?” Letitia suggested.
“Foxes!” Bubbles chirped, bouncing up and down.
“Why are we here?” Buttercup asked Blossom.
“I still think you’re up to something,” Blossom said.
Boomer scooped up the phones and stood “Please. I mean, legit, but still. Get over it. We’re twenty-two.”
“Twenty-four,” Blossom and Bubbles corrected.
“Oops. Right. Anyway, do your homework.”
“Uuuughhh.”
“Chin up, Buttercup.” Boomer paused on his way out, allowing Taraneh and Letitia ahead. The shadow of something sinister darkened those blue eyes, or maybe it was something simpler. Something as simple as Opportunity.
“You three and me, we’re gonna take over the world.”
***
Someday I will finish these all. (Soon.) Thank you for your patience.
AO3 | FFNet | AskFM
YAY BLUES
It's interesting that you took this turn with Boomer's personality when he's older. I've always read Boomer as an excited guy to meet new people when he first left JS inc but then he starts realizing being popular isn't all the bee's knee's. I imagine him as someone who join's the band because he loves the attention he get's on stage "AND THEN THAT DESIRE STOPS RIGHT THERE LIKE I DON'T WANT 5 PEOPLE COMING UP TO ME ALL AT ONCE ASKING HOW I NAILED THAT CHORD PROGRESSION."
I don't know, he's just alway's striked me as that type of guy. I LOVE that he grows up to be something other than a music store owner(although that is my fanon headcanon and Bubbles is a kindergarten teacher-), or someone more than just his music. I don't care what anyone says SBJBoomer growing up to be a successful Brand Manager is hot. Him being any type of social influencer is hot. I said what I said lmao.
Anyway yeah. This was lovely. I will forever love Buttercup for being bold and daring “I’m sorry, have you seen me naked? Because I look incredible." <--- that is my favorite line from her in this piece. Also Bubbles isn't as innocent as she lets on, but does she even try to come off as innocent anymore or do people just attach the brand because she's the sweetest one of the three? I believe Blossom is the most innocent, and the fact that she didn't have anything to hide when she hands her phone to Boomer's assistant says everything lol.
Hope you're having a sane quarantine. Stay safe!
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One of the best part was when Blossom was ready to punch him for having implied that one of them could have made some nsfw photos but then Bubbles and Buttercup immediatly went to check their phones...
By the way, thank you! It's always a pleasure to read something of yours