Unfortunately the chat I was alluding to in my previous entry - the one I was hoping to do at the end of this month - will have to get pushed back. I'm going to have to spend the end of this month traveling overseas for a funeral instead.
I found out early yesterday morning and was debating whether or not to say anything. I can't help but feel like mentioning it at all is some twisty cry for attention on my part no matter how cathartic it might actually be. Especially considering the whole reluctant BNF thing. But my mood's also been all over the place since yesterday morning and there's a good chance I could hulk out or at the very least say something really pissy and hurtful if I don't at least acknowledge it. So. This is me, acknowledging it. I don't know how hard it is to picture, but all the angry, emotional, soap-opera-esque intensity of FEELING there is in TEF with all the various characters? The stuff that you've read and the stuff that's forthcoming? I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe just that I spend a lot of time there. And I get people saying How are you able to write these characters this way, asking me how I do it so well, and that's the problem, I don't actually feel like I do it well, because I'm just writing how I feel, and most of the time I feel angry. I feel angry and pissy and bitter all the fucking time. And that's basically all I'm doing, is cordoning off all these individual bits and pieces of this me-monster into different people. I don't know. It's nothing special. Everybody on this planet is angry and pissy and bitter, all the fucking time, just like me. I'm not doing anything different, besides maybe writing it down and shoving into a bunch of cartoon characters, I guess. That's all. Sorry about the angst. I thought it was something you outgrew, but not really, huh? It just gets channeled into all these other little parts of yourself and festers like this little rotten thing inside you instead of going all Harry Potter Book 5.
Anyway. I've been planning a couple of posts for a while. I'm determined to get through as many questions as I can this weekend (and I'm not forcing myself, really, I'll have the time and things to fill my time are good for me right now) and I've been working on and off on a semi-detailed rundown of my various TEF!playlists. The Blues are up first, because, well, they start with "B" and that comes before "G" and "R." It turned into more of a project than I expected it to; you'll see what I mean. Then there's other stuff that I'm not calling to mind at the moment. Oh! A few days ago I thought about doing something special, inspired by the (fake) strangers kissing
vid that went viral earlier this week. Maybe in April. We'll see.
For the record, if anyone offers their sympathies, I really do appreciate it, but I'd rather you commented with a link to something funny or happy or fluffy. Something to make me smile. I wallow enough as it is and sympathy only tends to enable that, which isn't healthy for me. In fact, let's make that a rule for the comments on this post! Something happy/fluffy/funny, if not all of the above!
(Speaking of happy things, the recent fanart by waffleswithketchup posted to the fanblog and lockwoodspenis' TEF re-read liveblog! Those things make me so happy. Thanks guys ♥ I'm very sorry to have immortalized these shout-outs in a post filled with my whinging.)